I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
