I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
wow bdsm is so cute
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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