I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
