I'm lost and stupid without you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
