good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
