no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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