You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
