Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
