im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
