Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
