Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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