Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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