i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
