i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize