At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
