There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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