I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
