Ketchup is God's man juice
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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