Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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