you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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