Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
