i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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