I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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