I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's get the cat blown out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
