Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
