thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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