dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
