goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
