I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
