I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
