The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
God, I missed his penis.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
