planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dear god my vagina.
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