I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
