why didn't you poke me back
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
