I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
