I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
