His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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