oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
