So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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