Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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