I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize