yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
