So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Buhtt sex?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
