Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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