Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
