U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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