"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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