I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
