Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
