I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm like, not good at living.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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