How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
