his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
