He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
