Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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