Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
