Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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