I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Houston, we have a blender
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
