Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize