Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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