R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
