I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
