Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
