This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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