What did we do last night that was yellow?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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