I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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