also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
