Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
