i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
