i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
