Say something about gay babies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
