i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
