I am full of burrito and curiosity
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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