we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
