i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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