The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
