When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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