I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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